some people hate my style, and i don’t care

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• Confidence in personal style is built through dedicated study, experimentation, and trusting one's own developed taste, rather than seeking external approval.  Copied to clipboard!
• The speaker primarily dresses for internal satisfaction and self-expression, believing authentic style attracts people who like them for who they truly are, which is more important than catering to external perceptions.  Copied to clipboard!
• A strong emotional response, including dislike, to one's unique style can be a positive indicator of originality and experimentation, suggesting the style is interesting enough to ruffle feathers.  Copied to clipboard!

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Sharing Style and Negative Feedback

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(00:00:00)

• Key Takeaway: Personal style is constantly shared online, leading to inevitable positive and negative reactions, which the speaker has learned to process differently.
• Summary: The speaker intentionally and unintentionally shares their personal style across the internet through photos and videos. While some responses are positive, others are highly critical, calling the style ‘hideous’ or suggesting the speaker looks like ‘an idiot.’ The speaker acknowledges being sensitive but draws a line regarding caring about style criticism.

Developing Confidence in Style

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(00:02:30)

• Key Takeaway: Achieving the confidence to wear unique styles without caring about criticism is a learned process, not an innate trait.
• Summary: The episode’s goal is to explain the journey to not caring about style criticism, noting this confidence was not always present. In school, the speaker dressed to fit in due to fear of standing out and seeking social acceptance. Transitioning to the ‘real world’ allowed for more experimentation as perceived judgment decreased.

Sponsor Break: The Ordinary

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(00:03:14)

• Key Takeaway: The Ordinary offers quality, accessible skincare formulations, providing a free regimen builder on their website.
• Summary: Self-care, especially skincare, can be expensive, but The Ordinary focuses on quality formulations priced for accessibility. Their products are designed to give skin precisely what it needs. Listeners can use code emac10 for 10% off at theordinary.com.

Confidence vs. Technical Style

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(00:03:50)

• Key Takeaway: The hardest aspect of developing personal style is cultivating the self-trust and confidence to wear unique things publicly.
• Summary: While technical aspects like fit and color are complicated, finding the confidence to wear unique items publicly is the most challenging part of developing style. The speaker spent years building confidence and certainty in their fashion beliefs after leaving the high-pressure social environment of school. This journey allows criticism about style to roll off their back.

Sponsor Break: Squarespace

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(00:07:33)

• Key Takeaway: Squarespace utilizes Design Intelligence blending AI and expert design to simplify unique website creation.
• Summary: Squarespace is presented as the solution for creating a website without knowing where to start. Their Design Intelligence tool uses AI and expert design to ensure the site is functional and unique. Users can get a free trial and 10% off their first purchase using code Emma at squarespace.com/slash Emma.

Sponsor Break: Plan B

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(00:08:00)

• Key Takeaway: Plan B emergency contraception is legal backup birth control available nationwide without age restrictions.
• Summary: Plan B serves as backup birth control taken after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. It is legal and available in all 50 U.S. states without any age restrictions for purchase. The product will not impact future fertility.

Reason 1: Trusting Personal Taste

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(00:08:27)

• Key Takeaway: Trust in one’s taste is earned through years of active study, including analyzing runway shows, mood boards, and people-watching.
• Summary: The speaker trusts their taste because they have spent years studying fashion through various methods like Pinterest, runway shows, and observing people in public. This developed taste is trusted for the present moment, even while accepting it will continue to evolve with life experience. Personal style is ultimately for the individual, and putting in the work to develop one’s point of view builds confidence.

Reason 2: Dressing for Self-Satisfaction

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(00:12:01)

• Key Takeaway: Dressing for one’s own satisfaction and self-expression ensures that one attracts people who like them for their true personality, not a curated image.
• Summary: The speaker dresses to make themselves feel a certain way (e.g., hot, sharp, chic) rather than to be perceived a certain way by others. Dressing authentically prevents manipulating others into liking them for the wrong reasons. This authenticity helps attract people who value their energy, personality, and ideas.

Reason 3: Fashion as a Joyful Hobby

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(00:17:33)

• Key Takeaway: The immense joy derived from participating in fashion creates an ’emotional force field’ that protects the speaker from unnecessary judgment.
• Summary: The simple act of playing with clothes and putting outfits together brings the speaker joy, even if getting dressed can sometimes be stressful. This net positive enjoyment acts as a protective bubble against criticism regarding harmless aspects like personal style. Criticism on the internet is inevitable but often unnecessary when the subject matter, like fashion, is ultimately harmless.

Sponsor Break: State Farm (Part 1)

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(00:23:38)

• Key Takeaway: State Farm insurance provides reliable help, unlike settling for something that looks good but fails in function, like dollhouse decor.
• Summary: Insurance should not be settled for superficially; State Farm is presented as the ‘real deal’ when needing help. The analogy compares settling for insurance to receiving a tiny, doll-sized chair when ordering a vintage one online. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Reason 4: Not Trying to Fit In

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(00:24:08)

• Key Takeaway: When fashion is used as a tool for social fitting in, confidence becomes fragile and dependent on external approval, which is unstable.
• Summary: The speaker stopped using fashion as a tool for social success, which was the case during school years when criticism was devastating. Now, fashion is used for self-expression, a hobby, and empowerment, making it a reliable source of joy. If someone judges based on an outfit, the speaker doesn’t want that person in their life anyway, as they seek acceptance based on character.

Reason 5: Disliking Most Other Styles

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(00:28:59)

• Key Takeaway: Recognizing that one does not like most other people’s styles provides comfort that others are equally entitled to dislike one’s own style.
• Summary: The speaker admits to not liking the style of most people they observe or see in fashion media, which is normal for any art form. This realization provides peace because it validates that differing opinions are the nature of fashion. If one’s opinion about others’ style is morally okay, then the reverse opinion about their style is also acceptable.

Excitement Over Uniqueness/Polarization

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(00:32:24)

• Key Takeaway: A strong negative emotional response to an outfit can signal that the creation is unique, interesting, and potentially ahead of current general taste.
• Summary: Dislike from others can be exciting because it proves the outfit is doing something unique or perhaps ‘ruffling feathers.’ When an outfit makes sense internally but perplexes others, it suggests the taste might be unusual or that the look is unfamiliar. Unfamiliar or odd things often take time to be appreciated, and strong negative reactions can signal an interesting, polarizing creation.

Sponsor Break: Cozy Furniture

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(00:39:37)

• Key Takeaway: Cozy furniture is modern, practical, and modular, allowing users the freedom to easily change layouts and styles as their preferences evolve.
• Summary: The speaker values home furnishings that are both comfortable and visually appealing. Cozy offers modern, practical furniture that is modular and customizable. This design makes it simple to switch up the layout or color if the user changes their mind about the look.

Sponsor Break: Welch’s Fusions

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(00:40:44)

• Key Takeaway: Welch’s Fusions combine two fruity flavors—one outside, one inside—creating a new, satisfying taste sensation for experienced palates.
• Summary: New Welch’s Fusions are satisfying combinations of two distinct fruity flavors in one bite. The snack features one flavor on the outside layer and a different flavor on the inside. The speaker recommends them only for experienced taste buds due to the unique combination.

Sponsor Break: State Farm (Part 2)

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(00:41:27)

• Key Takeaway: State Farm insurance is the reliable choice, unlike settling for insurance that appears similar but lacks true support.
• Summary: Having insurance is not equivalent to having State Farm, which is positioned as the reliable option for necessary help. The analogy of receiving dollhouse decor instead of the ordered vintage chair illustrates settling for inadequate coverage. State Farm lives up to its promise: Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Sponsor Break: Mentos Gum

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(00:41:52)

• Key Takeaway: Mentos Gum encourages refreshing mundane moments by trying new things, such as changing one’s outfit or routine.
• Summary: Keeping things fresh is essential, extending beyond just breath to daily routines. Consumers are encouraged to refresh the everyday by trying new workout classes or ordering differently at coffee shops. Mentos Gum is available in flavors like spearmint and fresh mint to support this freshness.

Fashion Subjectivity and Evolution

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(00:42:28)

• Key Takeaway: Fashion is inherently subjective, and judging merit based on mass appeal hinders artistic evolution, which relies on initial discomfort with the new.
• Summary: Since fashion is considered art, there is no objective right or wrong in style opinions. Art progresses through experimentation with new and unusual concepts, which initially cause discomfort and criticism from the public. True evolution requires moving past the initial negative reaction to unfamiliar styles.

Contextual Exceptions to Style Freedom

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(00:44:53)

• Key Takeaway: The only time style criticism should be heeded is when blatantly disrespecting established dress codes for specific events like weddings or business meetings.
• Summary: Fashion should primarily be a tool for personal feeling and extension of self, making others’ opinions irrelevant unless a dress code is violated. Showing up in jeans at a black-tie wedding or inappropriate attire in a business meeting is disrespectful to the occasion’s ambiance. However, personal style can still be incorporated within the parameters of any required dress code.

The Journey to Uncaring

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(00:48:05)

• Key Takeaway: Developing the thick skin to not care about style criticism is a long journey, often taking nearly a decade of dedicated participation and experimentation.
• Summary: The speaker notes that achieving true confidence in style takes time, estimating about nine years of dedicated, deep participation in fashion. This journey involves experimentation, sometimes leading to styles that are later regretted, but these steps are necessary for growth. Unlocking the full enjoyment of fashion happens when one is confident and unafraid of judgment.

Hindsight on Past Criticisms

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(00:50:01)

• Key Takeaway: Sometimes criticism of past experimental styles proves accurate in hindsight, but those steps were necessary to reach the current, preferred style.
• Summary: The speaker admits that sometimes they later agree with past criticism about an outfit or hairstyle that they initially defended. For example, an early, longer shag haircut was a necessary step toward the current pixie cut they love. Even if criticism was valid then, it doesn’t negate the current enjoyment or the necessity of that past step.