Merry Kissmas w/ Jessica St. Clair

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

• The hosts and Jessica St. Clair strongly believe the only genuine sexual chemistry in *Merry Kissmas* was between the flirty cousins, not the main couple.  Copied to clipboard!
• Doris Roberts' aggressive kissing in the elevator scene was characterized as having an element of danger, violence, and desperation, leading one host to wish she was revealed to be a ghost.  Copied to clipboard!
• The film's setting in Riverside, California, failed to convey a convincing Christmas atmosphere, leading to the observation that 'it ain't Christmas, bitch' without proper fake snow and winter scenery.  Copied to clipboard!
• The discussion heavily featured an interview segment with actor Brant Daugherty, who revealed that Doris Roberts improvised a kiss involving tongue and a slap, and that the film's writer exclusively writes holiday movies featuring kisses in elevators.  Copied to clipboard!
• The hosts and guest debated the nature of the elevator's 'magic,' concluding it might be 'soft magic' that encourages uninhibited behavior, which contrasts with the lack of actual magical wish fulfillment.  Copied to clipboard!
• A major point of contention was the excessive and non-consensual 'face grabbing' during kissing scenes throughout *Merry Kissmas*, which the hosts found bizarre and aggressive.  Copied to clipboard!

Segments Expand All Collapse All

Opening and Plot Summary

Copied to clipboard!

(00:00:00)

• Key Takeaway: The central plot of Merry Kissmas involves a woman falling for an elevator soulmate due to Mistletoe’s magical influence.
• Summary: The episode opens with advertisements for Sonos, Mint Mobile, and Clorox Toilet Wand. The hosts introduce the film Merry Kissmas, financed partly by Kay Jewelers. The plot centers on a young woman whose love changes after Mistletoe forces her to kiss a man she realizes is her true soulmate.

Sexual Chemistry and Director Type

Copied to clipboard!

(00:03:17)

• Key Takeaway: The director of Merry Kissmas has a filmography that includes Christmas dog movies alongside serial killer films like those about BTK and John Wayne Gacy.
• Summary: The hosts debate the lack of sexual charge in the film, noting the cousins had the most chemistry. They identify the director as having a strange pattern of making Christmas dog movies and true crime films. Doris Roberts’ forceful kissing scene is compared to the violence found in the director’s other works.

Doris Roberts’ Aggressive Role

Copied to clipboard!

(00:05:01)

• Key Takeaway: Doris Roberts’ character was perceived as a dangerous shark moving through the movie, contrasting sharply with the passivity of other characters.
• Summary: The elevator scene with Doris Roberts is highlighted for its violence and desperation, with one host wishing she was revealed as otherworldly or not real. The film consistently uses audio cues suggesting magic, but these cues always serve to reinforce a lack of actual magic, except perhaps for the elevator itself.

Carlton’s Facial Hair and Identity

Copied to clipboard!

(00:07:05)

• Key Takeaway: Carlton, the fiancé, is portrayed as a pretentious figure whose triangular facial hair resembled Mondrian’s geometric art style.
• Summary: The hosts express a desire for Doris Roberts’ character to end up with Carlton, the fiancé. They discuss Carlton’s perceived British accent and his background as a producer-director of a Nutcracker ballet in Palo Alto, California. His unusual triangular facial hair is compared to the abstract art of Mondrian.

Climate and Christmas Authenticity

Copied to clipboard!

(00:11:25)

• Key Takeaway: The filming location in Riverside, California, lacked the necessary visual elements for a convincing Christmas movie, prompting the declaration, ‘it ain’t Christmas, bitch.’
• Summary: The lack of authentic winter scenery in the California setting is criticized, contrasting it with Hallmark movies shot on dedicated lots with fake snow. The hosts agree that the climate does not support the film’s holiday theme. The segment ends with a reiteration of the episode’s unofficial motto: ‘It ain’t Christmas, bitch.’

ADR Issues and Recurring Carolers

Copied to clipboard!

(00:12:54)

• Key Takeaway: The movie suffers from excessive Automated Dialogue Replacement (ADR), often using generic male and female voices for all characters’ added lines.
• Summary: The carolers singing ‘And a happy new year’ were clearly dubbed, and the ADR usage was so pervasive that the leads’ lines were sometimes replaced by generic voices. The hosts note the recurring, non-magical carolers who never seemed to be ringing their bells correctly.

Nutcracker Obsession and Cheating Debate

Copied to clipboard!

(00:13:39)

• Key Takeaway: The presence of the Nutcracker doll triggered an expectation among the hosts that an object would come to life and engage in sexual activity, based on past movie experiences.
• Summary: The Nutcracker itself is discussed as the only other possible magical element, leading to jokes about characters wanting to ‘fuck that nutcracker.’ The conversation pivots to Kayla’s infidelity, with one host arguing that cheating is acceptable if the fiancé (Carlton) is a bad match, referencing the ’eating’s not cheating’ philosophy.

Kayla’s Engagement and Character Flaws

Copied to clipboard!

(00:16:34)

• Key Takeaway: Kayla is criticized for using Dustin for elevator kisses while engaged, shirking her responsibilities to her fiancé, Carlton.
• Summary: The hosts strongly condemn Kayla for her actions, contrasting her behavior with Martha Stewart’s reported fidelity during her honeymoon. Kayla is seen as shirking her duties, such as getting Carlton his headache medication, which might have earned her love.

Mrs. Joyner’s Business Practices

Copied to clipboard!

(00:26:25)

• Key Takeaway: Mrs. Joyner, the shop owner, exhibits poor business sense by refusing to stay open for Dustin, suggesting her tchotchke store is failing despite her aggressive sales tactics.
• Summary: Mrs. Joyner’s store appears to be a flea market-style setup, and her decision not to stay open for Dustin suggests low business volume. Her subsequent aggressive pursuit of Kayla raises questions about her motives, possibly suggesting she was trying to kiss Kayla as well.

Dustin’s Unfurnished Loft and Work Habits

Copied to clipboard!

(00:28:56)

• Key Takeaway: Dustin’s living space is an unlived-in, staged loft where he bizarrely wears his chef’s whites even when not actively cooking or working.
• Summary: Images reveal Dustin’s home is sparsely furnished, resembling a rented loft, which contradicts his supposed success as a baker. He wears his professional chef whites outside of work, which is unusual for maintaining cleanliness. His interactions are brief, suggesting a lack of deep community ties despite living in the small town.

Kayla’s Lack of Focus and Work Ethic

Copied to clipboard!

(00:42:04)

• Key Takeaway: Kayla is criticized for prioritizing researching the Nutcracker maker for two fulfilling hours over her professional duties as Carlton’s business manager.
• Summary: The film features multiple unnecessary events, including an engagement party doubling as Carlton’s show premiere party, which is supposedly dependent on Kayla remaining engaged. Kayla admits to spending hours researching the Nutcracker maker, which Dustin chastises her for, implying she is not fulfilling her job responsibilities.

Favorite Socks and Personal Vulnerability

Copied to clipboard!

(00:47:56)

• Key Takeaway: The discussion on whether one has a favorite pair of socks reveals personal vulnerability, with one host admitting to an empowering mission to upgrade their sock situation.
• Summary: The hosts debate the concept of having a favorite pair of socks, with one host admitting to never caring about them until recently deciding they deserved better quality. This leads to a tangent about Matt Lauer wearing loafers without socks, which is deemed disgusting and ‘serial killer shit.’

Cousin Chemistry and Movie Pitch

Copied to clipboard!

(00:52:25)

• Key Takeaway: A better version of Merry Kissmas would have featured Kayla ending up with her cousin Kim instead of Dustin, due to the main couple’s lack of chemistry.
• Summary: The hosts suggest Kayla and Kim (the cousin) had superior chemistry compared to Kayla and Dustin. The elevator’s ‘magic’ is clarified as being implied through stories, not explicitly stated as magical. The segment concludes with the realization that the elevator’s function is central, yet its magical nature is never clearly defined.

Brant Daugherty Interview Insights

Copied to clipboard!

(00:54:14)

• Key Takeaway: Brant Daugherty confirmed Doris Roberts improvised a kiss with tongue and a slap.
• Summary: Brant Daugherty revealed the film’s writer exclusively creates holiday movies where leads kiss in an elevator, suggesting a personal fixation. He also shared that the director seemed completely disengaged, looking at his phone during filming. Daugherty detailed that Doris Roberts improvised the tongue and the slap during their unscripted kiss scene.

Kayla’s Poor Decision Making

Copied to clipboard!

(00:58:01)

• Key Takeaway: Kayla repeats relationship mistakes by choosing a work-obsessed fiancé over the go-getter Brandt.
• Summary: Kayla is criticized for repeating the mistake of dating a man obsessed with his work, Carlton, despite Brandt showing more commitment, including adopting a dog. Her wish to learn how to set boundaries suggests her poor decision-making stems from low self-worth. The hosts note that Brandt was also in 50 Shades Freed as the bodyguard Christian hires.

Writer’s Block Interpretation

Copied to clipboard!

(01:02:47)

• Key Takeaway: The movie can be interpreted as being about the protagonist Kayla’s struggle with writer’s block.
• Summary: One interpretation suggests the entire plot reflects Kayla’s writer’s block, as she is doing everything except writing. Her second wish was explicitly ‘I wish I knew how to set boundaries,’ linking her relationship issues to her creative stagnation. The final montage suggests a year has passed, but the characters end up in the same outfits, indicating a lack of real progress.

Aggressive Kissing Techniques

Copied to clipboard!

(01:04:50)

• Key Takeaway: The film features an excessive amount of face grabbing during kisses, which the hosts found alarming.
• Summary: The hosts noted that nearly every kiss in Merry Kissmas involved aggressive face grabbing, chin touching, or head holding. They theorized this might be an on-screen technique to guide actors during kisses, but expressed personal aversion to being grabbed by the chin. This aggressive contact is linked to the fact that many kisses in the movie are unprompted or non-consensual.

Santa’s Useless Wishes

Copied to clipboard!

(01:10:30)

• Key Takeaway: The Santa character provided no meaningful advice despite being involved in three separate wish-making opportunities.
• Summary: Kayla makes three wishes with Santa, including one for another girl’s dreams to come true, none of which visibly manifest. When she confronts Santa for advice, he simply tells her she will ‘figure it out,’ prompting the host to exclaim, ‘F you, Santa.’ The film includes too many Hallmark tropes, such as wishes, dogs, and cooking, all executed halfway.

Second Opinions and Fan Reactions

Copied to clipboard!

(01:13:48)

• Key Takeaway: Fan reviews suggest the movie grows on viewers upon rewatch, elevating its technical score from a six to a nine.
• Summary: One reviewer noted that initially bad elements, like the fiancé’s accent or the store lady’s antics, improved with rewatching, making the film worthy of multiple viewings. Another review highlighted the attractiveness of the supporting cast, including Ben Levine and David O’Donnell, and called Brandt Daugherty the ‘whipped cream atop a cup of hot cocoa.’ The chat revealed the bellhop character is the film’s line producer and that the writer co-founded a romance streaming service called Passion Flicks.

Wrap Up and Plugs

Copied to clipboard!

(01:24:01)

• Key Takeaway: The podcast is re-releasing original, legally-contested merchandise designs, including a Cage shirt and a BB-8 shirt with incorrect grammar.
• Summary: The hosts are selling previously pulled merchandise, including a Nicholas Cage shirt and a BB-8 shirt that sparked controversy due to missing punctuation (‘What is its mission?’). Paul Scheer plugged his book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, and his show Enter The Dark Web, which is currently filming in the woods after their studio burned down. Jessica St. Clair promoted her virtual rewatch event for Merry Kissmas happening the following day.