How Did This Get Made?

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets w/ Jessica St. Clair & Doug Benson (HDTGM Matinee)

November 25, 2025

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • The consensus among Paul Scheer, Jason Mantzoukas, Jessica St. Clair, and Doug Benson is that *Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets* is visually stunning but severely lacks in character, plot, and pacing, with one host comparing it unfavorably to *The Fifth Element*. 
  • The chemistry between leads Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne was noted as electric yet poorly executed in the dialogue, sounding like a 'staged reading' rather than witty repartee. 
  • Rihanna's performance as Bubble was highlighted as the MVP scene of the movie, despite her character's anticlimactic death. 
  • Director Luc Besson reportedly wrote a 600-page book detailing the 200+ aliens in *Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets* and required actors to read it. 
  • The film is criticized for its harsh, abrupt cuts between disparate emotional scenes and a confusing, last-minute plot explanation. 
  • Audience members and hosts generally agree that *Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets* functions best as a visually stunning 'coffee table movie' to have on in the background rather than a satisfying narrative experience. 

Segments

Opening and Guest Introductions
Copied to clipboard!
(00:02:45)
  • Key Takeaway: The live recording of How Did This Get Made? for the episode Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets w/ Jessica St. Clair & Doug Benson (HDTGM Matinee) took place at the Ace Hotel Theater for Pee Cast Blast ’17.
  • Summary: The episode opened live at the Ace Hotel Theater. Jason Mantzoukas noted he was familiar with the film in theory but was confounded after watching it, describing its runtime as feeling like four hours. Jessica St. Clair, filling in for June Diane Raphael, mentioned she found Pluto Nash more enjoyable than Valerian.
Initial Impressions of Valerian
Copied to clipboard!
(00:05:37)
  • Key Takeaway: The initial reaction to Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was overwhelmingly negative, with one host stating they hated the movie.
  • Summary: Jessica St. Clair expressed strong dislike for the film, stating she hated it and felt sick after watching it, preferring other dystopian films she had previously watched for the podcast. Doug Benson, a Luc Besson completist who saw it in theaters, admitted he only enjoyed the visuals when not invested in the plot, comparing it to background noise in a restaurant.
Visuals vs. Narrative Structure
Copied to clipboard!
(00:11:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The movie features an excessive amount of initial exposition and flashbacks, with the core plot only being fully explained in the final 20 minutes.
  • Summary: The opening ten minutes contained no English or subtitles, focusing on pearl-mining aliens, which was compared to Avatar. The film resets itself every 15 minutes into different segments that are not cumulatively important to the overall journey. The hosts suggested that starting the movie in the last 20 minutes would provide all necessary plot information.
Lead Actor Chemistry and Dialogue
Copied to clipboard!
(00:19:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The lead characters’ witty repartee lacked energy and felt forced, with Dane DeHaan’s delivery sounding like Keanu Reeves.
  • Summary: The hosts criticized the lack of energetic chemistry between the leads, comparing their dialogue to a poorly executed staged reading. Dane DeHaan’s delivery was specifically noted as sounding like Keanu Reeves, with a clip comparison highlighting the similarity in his line delivery. The wrestling scene between the leads was also mocked for its unnatural intensity and the constant dropping of their drinks.
The ‘Playlist’ and Character Abilities
Copied to clipboard!
(00:21:58)
  • Key Takeaway: Valerian’s ‘playlist’ of past sexual partners is visualized as trading cards, raising questions about whether the computer can project these files.
  • Summary: The term ‘playlist’ was interpreted as a catalog of Valerian’s sexual conquests, which appear as trading cards on a wall. This ability to project dreams and past encounters led to speculation about whether these ‘playlist’ entries are accessible video files.
Visual References and CGI Quality
Copied to clipboard!
(00:23:57)
  • Key Takeaway: The film functions as a collection of visual references to other sci-fi properties, such as Star Wars and Avatar, without fully committing to any single identity.
  • Summary: The movie felt like a focus group testing different sci-fi tropes, featuring a bar scene reminiscent of the one in Star Wars and pearl-mining aliens resembling Avatar. The hosts noted that the CGI is beautiful and vibrant, but the film lacks the necessary narrative stakes or emotional investment to support the spectacle.
Uniforms and Clive Owen’s Role
Copied to clipboard!
(00:27:55)
  • Key Takeaway: The uniforms worn by the antagonists resembled Nazi attire, and Clive Owen’s character was immediately identifiable as the villain.
  • Summary: The olive green uniforms worn by the antagonists were deemed a poor aesthetic choice, looking like Nazi uniforms. Clive Owen’s character, despite being a phenomenal actor, was immediately established as the villain upon his reveal, offering no ambiguity.
Sexism in Source Material Adaptation
Copied to clipboard!
(00:30:03)
  • Key Takeaway: The film adaptation minimized the female lead by changing the source material’s title from Valerian and Loreline to Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.
  • Summary: The original graphic novel is titled Valerian and Loreline, but the movie title omits her name, suggesting a demotion of her importance. Furthermore, Loreline is frequently required to wear revealing outfits, including a bikini and an uncomfortable metal bra, while Valerian treats her as subordinate.
Rihanna’s Performance and Bubble’s Death
Copied to clipboard!
(00:40:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Rihanna’s performance as the shapeshifting alien entertainer Bubble was considered the best part of the movie, with her death being anticlimactic.
  • Summary: Rihanna was named the MVP of the film, and her scene was the best. Her character, Bubble, was praised for her acting ability, which was deemed necessary given her shapeshifting nature. Her death was described as happening too soon and anticlimactically.
Financial Performance and Director’s Vision
Copied to clipboard!
(00:43:29)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite a $210 million budget, Valerian barely broke even worldwide ($225 million), leading to a 40% drop in the production company’s stock and the CEO’s subsequent resignation.
  • Summary: Director Luc Besson reportedly took no salary for the film to realize his vision, which was originally intended for a French audience before being switched to English for broader appeal. The film’s box office performance was disappointing relative to its massive budget, resulting in severe financial consequences for the studio.
Audience Q&A on Plot Holes
Copied to clipboard!
(00:48:16)
  • Key Takeaway: Audience questions highlighted plot inconsistencies, such as the leads’ indifference to dead teammates and the unexplained knowledge of specialized technology like the mule converter.
  • Summary: One audience member pointed out that Valerian and Loreline showed no remorse after leaving ten teammates to die on a desert planet, with Loreline only complaining about her ruined dress. Another question focused on how Loreline knew how the mule converter worked, as it was specific to the planet Clive Owen destroyed, suggesting she received an unearned education.
Alien Lore Depth
Copied to clipboard!
(00:55:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Director Luc Besson wrote a 600-page book detailing each of the 200+ aliens in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.
  • Summary: The director of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Luc Besson, authored a 600-page book detailing the movie’s numerous aliens. Actors were reportedly required to read this extensive material to inform their interactions with specific alien species. The hosts question whether this level of detailed preparation ultimately paid off in the final film.
Audience Question Segment
Copied to clipboard!
(00:57:03)
  • Key Takeaway: An audience member questioned if Valerian and Laureline made efforts to save the lives of others after the space zoo attack.
  • Summary: An audience member named Tim (from Swamp Whalikin) asked if the protagonists attempted to rescue others trapped in jelly cocoons after the space zoo incident. The consensus among the hosts was that Valerian and Laureline did not make such efforts, implying the characters are ‘cold-blooded motherfuckers.’ The nature of the jelly cocoons—whether they cause death or just sleep—was also debated.
Plot Confusion and Ending
Copied to clipboard!
(00:59:09)
  • Key Takeaway: A listener realized the main plot of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets only an hour and 40 minutes into the film.
  • Summary: A listener named Sophia (from the Jizitars) expressed confusion over the plot, realizing the through-line only late in the movie, with only 40 minutes remaining. The hosts noted the confusing ending where the K-trons are defeated, but the fate of other species (like the earwax people) remains unclear. The final scene, featuring Valerian and Laureline kissing as the spaceship pans out, was highlighted as an abrupt conclusion.
Harshest Cuts in Cinema
Copied to clipboard!
(01:00:12)
  • Key Takeaway: The film features jarring tonal shifts, such as cutting directly from an alien princess’s death to a comedic sex scene.
  • Summary: Paul Scheer pointed out that Valerian’s near-death experience, where he is dangled by a fishing pole, is immediately followed by a cut to the next event, illustrating the movie’s ‘harshest cuts of all time.’ The transition from the collapse of an alien world to a lighthearted beach sex scene was cited as an example of this jarring editing style. The transfer of the princess’s soul into Valerian upon her death was deemed a random plot device.
Commitment and Playlist Deletion
Copied to clipboard!
(01:01:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Valerian’s declaration of commitment to Laureline involved deleting his music playlist, which the hosts found an odd metric for fidelity.
  • Summary: When Laureline’s soul inhabits Rihanna’s body, Valerian has a therapy session via ADR where he admits his feelings for Laureline but struggles with commitment. His demonstration of commitment involves deleting his playlist, which the hosts likened to demanding a partner kill all their exes, referencing Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
Second Opinions Segment
Copied to clipboard!
(01:02:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The ‘Second Opinions’ segment mocked Valerian’s smirking demeanor and reliance on gadgets.
  • Summary: The audience participation segment focused on criticizing Valerian’s character, calling him a jerk full of smirks. His reliance on gadgets capable of breaking through walls in interdimensional malls was also noted. The segment concluded with a brief musical interlude.
Five-Star Amazon Reviews
Copied to clipboard!
(01:03:11)
  • Key Takeaway: Positive reviews praised the film’s imagination, casting, and visual stunning quality, with one reviewer comparing it to a ’70s blaxploitation drom-com.'
  • Summary: Only 42% of the 536 total reviews were five-stars, yet the featured positive reviews lauded the imaginative world-building and visual grandeur. One reviewer included a picture of Cara Delevingne and praised the Space Ranger tech suit, appealing to gamers. Another review suggested the film was a documentary masked as fiction, exposing what could be, appealing to ‘Gaia.com people.’
Profound Metaphor Interpretation
Copied to clipboard!
(01:06:55)
  • Key Takeaway: One reviewer interpreted the Mute Converter animal, which replicates what it eats, as a profound metaphor for ‘we poop what we eat.’
  • Summary: A highly detailed five-star review by Wallace Guy argued that the film requires ‘active engagement from your heart’ and bypasses the logical mind, comparing it to poetry. This reviewer found the Mute Converter, which poops out what it eats, to be a ‘profound’ cinematic depiction of the biological truth that ‘we poop what we eat.’ The reviewer suggested watching the movie while using ‘herbal assistance’ to bypass societal mores.
Critical Reception and Final Thoughts
Copied to clipboard!
(01:09:19)
  • Key Takeaway: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets received a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes and ranked 66th among movies released that year, beaten by Fast and Furious.
  • Summary: The film’s critical reception was poor, scoring 49% on Rotten Tomatoes, significantly lower than The House (17%). Jason recommended watching it only if it appears on TV or an airplane, calling it a good background movie due to its visual quality but lack of narrative satisfaction. Jessica suggested it is worth watching only for alien fetishists, those interested in jelly fetishes, or those who appreciate Cara Delevingne’s perfect eyebrows.
Future Sequels and Comic History
Copied to clipboard!
(01:12:47)
  • Key Takeaway: The French comic book series Valérian et Laureline is a long-running, highly regarded property known for smart social commentary.
  • Summary: Despite the film’s failure, director Luc Besson intends to finance another movie, suggesting a sequel trilogy was planned. The original French comic, running from 1967 to 2010, is highly regarded for being smart, funny, and commenting on society, contrasting sharply with the movie adaptation. Doug recommended the film as a ‘coffee table movie’ due to its strong visuals.
Plugs and Final Announcements
Copied to clipboard!
(01:15:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Doug Benson promoted his podcast Doug Loves Movies, Jessica St. Clair promoted Womp It Up and Playing House, and Jason Mantzoukas plugged Big Mouth and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
  • Summary: Doug Benson confirmed Doug Loves Movies is still running strong after 11 years. Jessica St. Clair mentioned her new Womp It Up episodes and promoted her critically acclaimed show Playing House. Jason plugged his work on Netflix’s Big Mouth and recommended The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Amazon, urging listeners to stay for the end credits scene of The Disaster Artist.