This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#619 - Stan the Chauffeur

October 22, 2025

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  • Stan the Chauffeur transitioned from the Bronx to the South after a difficult living situation with his first ex-wife's mother, who demanded more than just rent. 
  • The core etiquette of chauffeuring involves anticipating client needs, ensuring safety, and prioritizing the guests' experience over the driver's own. 
  • Stan shared several intense personal anecdotes, including surviving an attempted robbery where he drove recklessly to evade the assailant and being severely burned by boiling fettuccine noodles thrown by an intoxicated girlfriend. 
  • Stan the Chauffeur believes that resistance to male leadership in some African-American women stems from growing up in fatherless households, leading to a cycle where sons are raised as 'weak men' and daughters become resistant to guidance. 
  • Stan advises young men to prioritize education and reject the allure of street life, citing his own regret over abandoning academic pursuits to fit in with a 'bad crowd'. 
  • According to Stan, the key to a successful, long-term relationship is for both partners to commit to giving 100% effort, a lesson he learned from an elderly couple he chauffeured. 

Segments

Chauffeur Etiquette and Passenger Misconduct
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(00:06:53)
  • Key Takeaway: Chauffeurs must anticipate needs like bathroom breaks or supply shortages by subtly offering solutions before passengers explicitly ask.
  • Summary: Professional chauffeurs must prioritize guest enjoyment and safety, often requiring them to listen carefully for unspoken needs. Stan practices anticipating requests by framing necessary stops as personal needs, such as stopping for a bathroom break or restocking drinks. Passengers engaging in excessive intoxication or attempting to solicit illegal activities are considered the worst types of misconduct.
Inappropriate Passenger Behavior
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(00:08:25)
  • Key Takeaway: Vomiting in the vehicle and soliciting illegal substances are common, yet detested, issues faced by professional drivers.
  • Summary: The worst passenger behavior involves vomiting inside the vehicle due to excessive intoxication, which Stan has experienced multiple times. Passengers occasionally ask drivers for assistance in acquiring illegal drugs, which Stan refuses due to liability and professional standards. Drivers must also manage situations where intoxicated couples attempt to engage in sexual activity inside the hired vehicle.
Avoiding Passenger Advances
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(00:12:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan actively avoids accepting sexual advances from intoxicated passengers, viewing such opportunities as potential traps that could jeopardize his career and safety.
  • Summary: Stan has actively avoided sexual advances from passengers, even fabricating excuses like needing to retrieve condoms to escape uncomfortable situations. He emphasizes that intoxicated passengers often make advances they do not genuinely mean, and accepting them is a professional risk. He once fled a situation after a woman performed oral sex on him, fearing the consequences of engaging further.
Cocaine Use and Erectile Dysfunction
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(00:17:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan quit using cocaine after experiencing erectile dysfunction while under the influence, which caused him significant personal shame.
  • Summary: Stan used cocaine from age 15 to 33, influenced by his environment in the Bronx where drug dealing was prevalent. The drug use led to temporary erectile dysfunction, culminating in an embarrassing moment with his second wife that motivated him to quit entirely. He associates his past drug use with feeling stupid and losing control in intimate situations.
Bronx Upbringing and Community Support
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(00:18:53)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite growing up in a neighborhood controlled by drug dealers, community leader Mr. Curtis Johnson provided essential recreational and social services.
  • Summary: Stan grew up in the Claremont Village project in the Bronx, an area surrounded by drug activity. Mr. Curtis Johnson was instrumental in organizing community events like school openings, hip-hop shows, and providing resources like free food and the ‘pool mobile’ and ‘skate mobile.’ The mobile pools were discontinued due to changes in filtration standards and budget cuts, despite their importance to underserved neighborhoods.
Limo Driving Skills and Road Hazards
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(00:25:39)
  • Key Takeaway: The stretch limousine market is declining due to the popularity and superior passenger experience offered by Mercedes Sprinters.
  • Summary: Driving large vehicles like limousines requires constant mirror sweeping and maintaining significant following distance because they cannot stop quickly. Other drivers often try to undercut limos, forcing drivers to be hyper-vigilant to avoid accidents. Sprinters have largely replaced stretch limos because they offer a better, more comfortable experience for groups.
Evasion During Attempted Robbery
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(00:27:55)
  • Key Takeaway: When robbed by a passenger, Stan intentionally drove erratically at high speed to force the assailant to lose balance and abandon the attempt.
  • Summary: Stan was nearly robbed by a passenger he picked up informally outside a bowling alley who asked about the chauffeur’s lack of armament. Stan demonstrated his practiced escape maneuver: slamming the brakes, opening the door, and accelerating wildly to throw the attacker off balance. He stated he would rather crash the expensive vehicle than be robbed, as his family would know he was attacked if the car was damaged.
Confrontation with HVAC Scammer
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(00:32:06)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan physically defended himself against a contractor who scammed him and installed a dangerous, defective HVAC unit, resulting in the contractor being stabbed multiple times.
  • Summary: Stan was scammed by Mickey Moore, an HVAC contractor, who replaced a functional unit with a defective one, causing gas leaks in Stan’s home. After Moore threatened Stan, Stan tracked him down and confronted him unarmed, leading to Moore being stabbed eight times with his own knife. Stan’s lawyer, Ken Snow, successfully defended him by arguing that taking a weapon constitutes a ‘free kill’ in self-defense, though the judge disagreed.
Relationship Struggles and Age Gap
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(00:37:02)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan’s current relationship with a 25-year-old woman is tumultuous, marked by extreme incidents like being burned by boiling noodles, yet he remains committed while seeking a final, stable partner.
  • Summary: Stan, who is nearly 61, was severely burned on his ear and head by boiling fettuccine noodles thrown by his intoxicated 25-year-old girlfriend, requiring treatment at a major burn center. Despite the violence and external advice to leave her, Stan maintains love for her but admits the relationship’s madness is becoming exhausting. He seeks a final queen who values his stability (no cheating, early bedtime) over the drama he currently endures.
Chauffeur Etiquette and Control
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(00:53:58)
  • Key Takeaway: Women often resist strong male leadership because they equate it with control, especially if they lack a father figure.
  • Summary: Being a good chauffeur requires being in control, which can clash with women who desire a leading man but resist when one asserts control. Stan suggests that many African-American women, raised without a strong male presence, resist leadership despite claiming to want it. This resistance is often expressed as accusations of trying to control them.
Impact of ‘No Man’ Stereotype
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(00:55:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Mothers proclaiming ‘I don’t need no man’ negatively impacts their sons’ self-esteem and raises ‘weak men’.
  • Summary: The mindset of women stating they do not need a man filters down to children. Sons internalize this, lowering their self-esteem, while daughters grow up resistant to men who try to lead them. This generational mindset is something Stan notes is not part of his personal experience.
Reflections on Marriage and Style
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(00:55:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan reflects on past marriage struggles and shares his long-time preference for specific colognes like Lagerfeld and Prada.
  • Summary: Stan was street-wise during his first marriage, though he claims he was always well-dressed and never wore jerseys. He reminisces about wearing Lagerfeld cologne, which women liked, though his brother teased him about it. He currently favors Prada glasses, noting his dogs have destroyed previous pairs.
Advice for Young Men
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(00:57:55)
  • Key Takeaway: Young men should abandon the pursuit of street credibility and focus on education, as being a ’nerd’ leads to future success.
  • Summary: Stan strongly advises young men to leave the street life alone, calling it a lie that leads to jail and the killing of dreams. He regrets prioritizing the ‘in crowd’ over academics, telling his son it is okay to be a nerd, citing Bill Gates as an example of a successful nerd. Stan encourages his son to complete his master’s degree in Spanish culture.
Recovery from Severe Burn Injury
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(01:00:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan recovered from a severe burn injury after driving himself to the hospital, requiring daughter assistance for transport home due to doctor’s orders.
  • Summary: Stan received an injection that caused him to wake up later wrapped up due to open burns, which he treated with ointment and cocoa butter. Doctors prohibited him from driving himself home from Augusta, so his eldest daughter, Jazz, picked him up, though she was upset about the situation. They have since moved past the event and recovered their relationship.
What Women Need in Relationships
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(01:02:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Trust is the primary need for women in a relationship, alongside a man managing his naturally flirtatious personality.
  • Summary: Stan identifies trust as the number one thing women need to keep a lady. He admits his friendly, talkative, and handsome nature gives him a flirtatious personality, which he tries to minimize when involved with someone. He also acknowledges that physical intimacy plays a significant role, noting changes in his body as he ages.
Sexual Prowess and Passenger Ethics
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(01:04:29)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan claims his biggest sexual move is making women ‘speak alien’ through his abilities, but he strictly adheres to professional ethics regarding passengers.
  • Summary: Stan boasts about his sexual ability, claiming he has made women speak sounds they cannot identify. However, he refuses to date passengers as it violates his professional ethics as a chauffeur. In emergencies, his protocol is to use Waze to find the nearest ER and call 911, not to attempt medical intervention himself.
Disdain for Driverless Cars
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(01:06:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan strongly opposes driverless cars like Waymo because they threaten chauffeur jobs and prevent him from physically confronting bad drivers.
  • Summary: Stan dislikes driverless cars because they will eventually eliminate chauffeur positions. He recounts a past incident in 1999 where he physically dragged a taxi driver by the ankle after being hit near Lincoln Center, an action impossible with an autonomous vehicle. This incident resulted in jail time, restitution, and a year in a ‘Be Good program’.
Learning from Marriage Advice
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(01:09:19)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan learned that successful long-term marriage requires both partners to commit 100% effort, not just 50% each.
  • Summary: An elderly couple Stan drove taught him a valuable lesson about his failed marriages. They corrected his belief that he only needed to do his 50%, insisting that both partners must do 100% to succeed. The husband also advised Stan to say ‘yes, dear’ twice as often as he says ’no, dear’.
South Carolina Lifestyle and Energy
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(01:11:03)
  • Key Takeaway: South Carolina offers a desirable location with varied geography and warm weather that contributes to the attractive energy of its women.
  • Summary: Stan enjoys the energy of people in South Carolina, noting the state’s great location near beaches and mountains within a few hours’ drive. The warmer weather means women wear less clothing, which he humorously links to his neck injury from looking too much. He prefers driving regular people and those looking to have a good time over the elite.
Physical Limitations and Life Excitement
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(01:12:27)
  • Key Takeaway: Despite having a fused back and neck from extensive surgery, Stan remains excited about life, love, and future possibilities.
  • Summary: Stan’s neck is fused with titanium from C4 through C7, limiting hardcore activities like running or heavy lifting, but he maintains mobility. He notes that at 60/61, his body is failing compared to his youth, similar to boxing rounds decreasing over time. His infectious energy stems from his continued excitement for life, love, and future prospects.
Driving Escorts and Professional Boundaries
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(01:16:59)
  • Key Takeaway: Stan drove escorts for a manager but maintained strict boundaries, refusing payment in kind (‘pink’) and refusing to wait outside appointments.
  • Summary: Stan previously drove for a man who managed several women working in sex work, earning money from the arrangement. He insisted on only being paid in cash (‘green’) and refused offers of sexual favors (‘pink’), stating he would only drop off and return later. He avoided waiting outside appointments to prevent being implicated if law enforcement intervened.