This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#634 - Fiona Cauley

January 16, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • Fiona Cauley's appearance on "Kill Tony" was a life-changing event that rapidly increased her social media following from 30,000 to over half a million. 
  • Fiona Cauley has been diagnosed with the rare, progressive neurological disease, Friedreich's Ataxia, which she initially struggled to get diagnosed for, leading to her family initially believing she was faking symptoms or copying her sister's existing health issues. 
  • Fiona Cauley recounted an extremely traumatic experience involving an erratic Uber driver who was armed and swerving while she was intoxicated, which ultimately led to her being taken to a lavish after-party hosted by a man named 'Michael.' 
  • Fiona Cauley shared a personal story about being mistaken for mentally disabled by security guards while trying to protect a friend who had been drugged at a bar. 
  • Cauley discussed the emotional shift in her life perspective after receiving a diagnosis for her ailment, moving from apathy to valuing connection and finding purpose in advocacy. 
  • The conversation touched upon the difficulties of dating and finding love while living with a progressive disability, contrasting it with her current positive relationship with her husband, Matt. 
  • The conversation shifts to the severe human rights crisis and violent crackdown on protests in Iran, highlighting the difficulty of having a voice without modern internet and cell phone technology. 
  • The discussion emphasizes the significant challenges faced by disabled individuals regarding accessibility, noting that progress is slow when it requires financial investment, even in places like New York City. 
  • Fiona Cauley and Theo Von conclude the episode by promoting Cauley's podcast, "Rampin' Up," and her upcoming tour dates, with Theo Von praising the episode as one of the funniest he's had in years. 

Segments

Couch Durability Musings
Copied to clipboard!
(00:01:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Theo Von humorously suggests couches should have a counter indicating how many times they can be sat on before needing replacement.
  • Summary: The conversation opened with Theo Von complimenting Fiona Cauley’s house, leading to a brief, lighthearted discussion about the lifespan of a couch. They joked about installing a counter on sofas to track usage, similar to the ’lollipop question.’ Theo admitted to being a ‘heavy sitter.’
Explaining Friedreich’s Ataxia
Copied to clipboard!
(00:02:08)
  • Key Takeaway: Friedreich’s Ataxia is a rare, progressive neurological disease affecting about 5,000 people in the U.S., caused by insufficient production of the protein fritaxin.
  • Summary: Fiona Cauley clarified that her condition is a progressive neurological disease called Friedreich’s Ataxia, resulting from a genetic deficiency in the fritaxin protein. Both of her parents were carriers, and she is one of three siblings affected by the disease. The condition has progressed to the point where she now uses a wheelchair.
Cane Use and Bar Litmus Test
Copied to clipboard!
(00:04:08)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley used a cane around age 21 as a ’litmus test’ to prove to bartenders she wasn’t drunk, despite her speech and gait being affected by the disease.
  • Summary: Fiona explained that before needing a wheelchair, she used a cane because her unsteadiness made people assume she was drunk, especially at bars. She intentionally used the cane to filter out men who would approach her while she appeared intoxicated. She also mentioned owning 14 canes to match outfits, including one that was a sword cane.
Kill Tony Impact and Netflix Feature
Copied to clipboard!
(00:05:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley’s appearance on the Netflix special of ‘Kill Tony’ (Once Upon a Time in Texas) was a significant career moment, and she noted this was her second time being featured on a Netflix Kill Tony production.
  • Summary: Theo congratulated Fiona on being featured on the Netflix special of ‘Kill Tony.’ Fiona confirmed that her appearance on the show was a major break, increasing her followers significantly. She also mentioned that the production team hid her legs in the poster, which she found amusing.
Kill Tony Performance Stress
Copied to clipboard!
(00:09:27)
  • Key Takeaway: Performing the one-minute set on ‘Kill Tony’ is intensely stressful because the platform reaches millions, and the panel is expected to be mean to the comedian, creating a ‘Roman Coliseum’ atmosphere.
  • Summary: Fiona described the stress of the ‘Kill Tony’ minute, noting the pressure of being seen by millions online, unlike a standard club set. She compared the arena shows to the Roman Coliseum due to the crowd’s enjoyment of the panel being harsh. She also detailed the difficult logistics of getting her wheelchair backstage, often involving being carried past dumpsters.
Late Night vs. Kill Tony Success Metrics
Copied to clipboard!
(00:13:17)
  • Key Takeaway: Appearing on Fallon impressed Fiona’s grandparents and validated her career to them, whereas ‘Kill Tony’ has a larger, more divisive reach among contemporary audiences.
  • Summary: Fiona contrasted her experience on Fallon (which validated her career to older relatives) with ‘Kill Tony’ (which has a larger current reach but is more divisive). She reflected on the comedian’s need to prove their work is ‘real’ to skeptical figures in their life.
Autistic Barbie Discussion
Copied to clipboard!
(00:17:17)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley found the introduction of an ‘Autistic Barbie’ strange because autism is generally not a visible trait, suggesting any Barbie could represent it, and questioned the specific branding choice.
  • Summary: The discussion turned to the new Autistic Barbie doll, which Fiona felt was odd since autism is a functional condition, not purely visual. They briefly joked about whether autism is a ‘white people sport’ before citing CDC data suggesting high prevalence among Asian Pacific Islander and American Indian/Alaskan Native children.
Disability Terminology and Parking
Copied to clipboard!
(00:24:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley prefers the terms ‘disability’ or ‘disabled’ over ‘handicap,’ though she acknowledges the term ‘handicap’ is still used for items like parking placards.
  • Summary: Fiona explained that terminology preference is person-by-person, but she prefers ‘disability’ or ‘disabled’ over ‘handicap’ when referring to herself as a person. She confirmed she uses handicapped parking spots because the convenience is worth it.
Nightmare Uber Ride Story
Copied to clipboard!
(00:42:28)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona recounted a terrifying Uber ride where the intoxicated female driver was ranting about liberals and guns, even pulling a Draco out of the glove box, causing Fiona to panic and physically exit the car with her wheelchair.
  • Summary: While intoxicated herself, Fiona entered an Uber driven by a woman who was clearly impaired and ranting about politics. The driver pulled out a gun to make a point about gun control, causing extreme panic in Fiona, who was already stressed from the ‘Kill Tony’ experience. Upon arrival at the venue, Fiona, in a surge of adrenaline, jumped out and retrieved her own wheelchair, despite her condition.
Post-Trauma After-Party Experience
Copied to clipboard!
(00:52:11)
  • Key Takeaway: After the terrifying Uber incident, Fiona was taken to a lavish, high-security apartment party hosted by a man named ‘Michael,’ where she was continuously plied with drinks by a married couple who were later asked to leave by security.
  • Summary: Shaken from the Uber incident, Fiona was taken by the couple who had bought her drinks earlier to a private party in a luxurious apartment accessible via an elevator opening directly into the space. She observed the wealthy environment, including motorcycles inside, while being continuously served drinks by Michael, the host, who eventually had security remove the overly familiar married couple.
Recalling Yellow Wolf Encounter
Copied to clipboard!
(00:59:52)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley was saved from a potentially dangerous situation by musician Yellow Wolf.
  • Summary: Cauley recounted an evening where she was heavily intoxicated at a rich person’s gathering and Yellow Wolf ensured her safe departure. He put his number in her phone and arranged for a ballerina to drive her home. She woke up to numerous missed calls, realizing she had been featured on his Instagram story.
Childhood Resentment of Wealth
Copied to clipboard!
(01:00:49)
  • Key Takeaway: A veterinarian dumping dead animals in a poor neighborhood fostered Cauley’s lifelong anger toward the rich.
  • Summary: Cauley detailed how a wealthy veterinarian would drive through her neighborhood and discard dead animals, including dogs, into a local ditch. This behavior, coupled with seeing luxury items like cars indoors at rich people’s homes, cemented an association between wealth and disregard for the poor. Children in the neighborhood would play with the decayed animal bones found in the ditch.
Golden Retriever as Beauty Icon
Copied to clipboard!
(01:04:01)
  • Key Takeaway: The sight of an indoor Golden Retriever with long, flowing hair was compared to the beauty of Suzanne Somers.
  • Summary: Visiting a friend’s house, Cauley was astonished by the concept of an indoor pet, specifically a Golden Retriever. She found the dog’s long, beautiful hair so striking that she compared its appearance favorably to most women she knew, even likening it to Suzanne Somers.
ICE Agent Shooting Discussion
Copied to clipboard!
(01:07:46)
  • Key Takeaway: The ICE agent who shot Renee Good had documented prior trauma from being dragged by a vehicle, suggesting PTSD contributed to the incident.
  • Summary: The discussion centered on the fatal shooting of activist Renee Good by an ICE agent who had recently been dragged by a car, leading to documented injuries and likely PTSD. Theo Von argued that the agent should not have been working in a situation involving vehicles given his recent trauma. He suggested the agent could have shot the vehicle or let it go rather than shooting the woman.
ICE Recruitment Tactics
Copied to clipboard!
(01:16:38)
  • Key Takeaway: The Department of Homeland Security is using ’thirst trap’ style recruitment posters, featuring attractive men, to hire 10,000 ICE agents.
  • Summary: The conversation highlighted controversial ICE recruitment posters, noting the removal of strict age limits (previously under 40) and a $50,000 hiring bonus. The poster shown featured a handsome man in a suggestive pose, which Theo Von likened to a ’thirst trap’ intended to attract candidates.
FA Diagnosis and Life Expectancy
Copied to clipboard!
(01:23:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Fiona Cauley was initially given a life expectancy of 40 and told she would lose all major functions due to Friedreich’s Ataxia (FA).
  • Summary: Cauley described the dark initial prognosis of her FA diagnosis, which included losing the ability to walk, talk, see, and hear. She is now on Skyclaris, the only treatment available, which is intended to pause the progression of the disease, offering hope that she will not deteriorate as severely as Stephen Hawking did with ALS.
Impact of Ailment on Behavior
Copied to clipboard!
(01:27:52)
  • Key Takeaway: Receiving a potential death sentence prompted Cauley to embrace promiscuity, believing her future mobility was limited.
  • Summary: Cauley admitted that facing a limited life expectancy led her to act as a ‘slut’ because she felt there was no reason to care about future consequences once she was in a wheelchair. This mindset shifted when she realized the new medicine might extend her life, making her current actions feel more consequential.
Comedians and Finding Love
Copied to clipboard!
(01:29:48)
  • Key Takeaway: Cauley found it difficult to believe her husband, Matt, truly loved her, given her disability and the general difficulty comedians face in sustaining relationships.
  • Summary: Cauley noted that comedians often struggle to find and believe in love due to their lifestyle and self-perception issues. Her husband, Matt, proposed outside Zanies, a Nashville comedy club, after taking her to a restaurant named ‘Bad Idea,’ which she initially thought was a sign of his poor dating skills.
Disability and Public Misconceptions
Copied to clipboard!
(01:46:35)
  • Key Takeaway: A common misconception Cauley faces is that her speech impediment implies she is also mentally disabled.
  • Summary: Cauley recounted a traumatic incident where security guards at a bar assumed she was mentally retarded because of her slow speech while she was trying to protect an unconscious friend from a predator. She struggled immensely to convince the guards that she was articulate and capable, highlighting the unfair assumptions made about cognitive ability based on speech patterns.
Government Collapse Hypotheticals
Copied to clipboard!
(01:57:15)
  • Key Takeaway: Loss of government infrastructure would immediately halt reliance on modern conveniences like electric wheelchairs and automated vehicles.
  • Summary: A hypothetical government shutdown in America would force a return to analog communication methods like writing letters, which the guest noted she is unaccustomed to. The immediate failure of essential technology, such as motorized mobility chairs, highlights deep societal reliance on stable infrastructure. The speakers humorously compared being stranded without power to a commandeered Waymo vehicle.
Iran Protests and News Reports
Copied to clipboard!
(01:57:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Reports from Masih Alinijad and Nikki Haley indicated horrific violence against protesters in Iran, with death tolls estimated in the thousands by human rights groups.
  • Summary: Eyewitness accounts described regime forces shooting protesters in the head and heart, and kidnapping wounded individuals from hospitals. Iranian officials labeled the protesters as terrorists and accused them of rioting to justify the crackdown. Iran International reported a potential death toll of 12,000 over two nights in January, calling it the largest killing in contemporary Iranian history.
Voice and Technology Reliance
Copied to clipboard!
(01:59:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Modern public voice and dissent are critically dependent on technology platforms, which can be easily controlled or taken away, making that voice effectively ‘for lease’.
  • Summary: The ability for people to have a voice today is intrinsically linked to the internet and cell phones, unlike in previous eras. If these platforms are controlled or restricted by corporations, the ability to speak out is severely diminished. This reliance means that the power to communicate freely is not owned but rather leased under platform terms.
Political Reactions to Iran Crisis
Copied to clipboard!
(02:00:41)
  • Key Takeaway: Former President Trump issued strong statements supporting Iranian patriots and imposing a 25% tariff on any country doing business with the Islamic Republic.
  • Summary: Trump urged Iranian patriots to take over institutions and promised that killers and abusers would pay a big price, canceling meetings with Iranian officials until the killing stopped. He announced an immediate 25% tariff on any nation conducting business with the Islamic Republic of Iran. The speakers noted that regular people suffer the consequences of politicians’ whims, despite the bravery required to protest economic hardship.
Disability and Accessibility Challenges
Copied to clipboard!
(02:02:08)
  • Key Takeaway: Being disabled in a non-free country exacerbates existing struggles, as even in the US, slow progress on accessibility is tied directly to businesses’ unwillingness to spend money.
  • Summary: The guest noted that before the ADA, some private businesses in the 90s refused entry to disabled people because they made other customers uncomfortable. Despite being the largest minority, disabled people have seen the least progress because accessibility requires financial investment, which is often resisted. The guest shared personal difficulty affording full accessibility modifications in her own living space.
New York City Accessibility Issues
Copied to clipboard!
(02:04:34)
  • Key Takeaway: Major metropolitan areas like New York City present significant barriers to disabled comedians and residents due to widespread reliance on stairs in venues and housing.
  • Summary: More than half of the living spaces in New York City may be inaccessible to someone using a wheelchair. The guest described navigating NYC as a nightmare because many restaurants require stairs to enter. This inaccessibility likely prevents many disabled comedians from having a chance to perform in major comedy hubs.
Inspiration and Personal Anecdotes
Copied to clipboard!
(02:05:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Comedian Josh Blue served as a major inspiration for Fiona Cauley when she was starting out in comedy.
  • Summary: Fiona Cauley met Josh Blue before becoming a comic at a show at Zanies, where she embarrassed herself while intoxicated. She recounted trying to jump a curb in her wheelchair that night and falling out, giving her friend a black eye. The speakers also noted that neighborhood speed bumps can create nightmares for wheelchair users, feeling like a moat designed to keep them out.
Druski Skit and Podcast Wrap-up
Copied to clipboard!
(02:06:58)
  • Key Takeaway: The episode concludes by briefly reviewing a Druski skit mocking megachurch pastors and promoting Fiona Cauley’s podcast, “Rampin’ Up,” released every Monday.
  • Summary: The Druski skit featured him impersonating a pastor impregnating a congregant with the ‘word of God.’ Fiona Cauley confirmed her podcast, “Rampin’ Up” with Matt Taylor, releases new episodes every Monday at (4:30) Central time. Theo Von expressed that this was one of the funniest episodes he had hosted in about two years.