Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Bley’s Fastballs Part II

January 22, 2026

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  • The central theme of this segment of "Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend," "Bley’s Fastballs Part II," is exploring the hypothetical dramatic film role that Conan O'Brien would emerge from acting retirement to accept, following a discussion where a guest named Blay adopted a softer persona. 
  • The conversation explored several outlandish potential roles for Conan, including playing Pippi Longstocking, a Boston-area James Bond, or a character in a buddy cop movie opposite Tim Olyphant, before settling on soliciting fan ideas. 
  • The discussion concluded with Conan asking fans to submit ideas for a dramatic role he could play, perhaps even slotting into an existing franchise, provided the right concept emerges. 

Segments

Medication Delivery Ad Read
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(00:00:02)
  • Key Takeaway: Amazon Pharmacy offers fast medication delivery directly to the door, eliminating the need to wait in traffic or pharmacy lines.
  • Summary: Picking up medications can significantly reduce personal downtime due to necessary travel and waiting periods. Amazon Pharmacy addresses this by delivering prescriptions quickly to the recipient’s door. This service is noted to save patience and physical effort.
LinkedIn B2B Marketing Pitch
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(00:00:42)
  • Key Takeaway: LinkedIn ads are promoted as the best B2B marketing tool due to its network of over 1 billion professionals, including 130 million decision-makers.
  • Summary: Ineffective B2B marketing wastes resources on the wrong audience, making targeted platforms crucial. LinkedIn boasts the largest B2B Return on Ad Spend (ROAS) among online ad networks. A promotional offer provides a free $250 credit for a second campaign after spending $250 on the first, accessible via a specific URL.
Recap of Blay’s Pitch Style
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(00:01:42)
  • Key Takeaway: Blay attempted to reform his presentation style by speaking softer and leaning back, as previously advised, to deliver his pitch about Conan’s potential dramatic role.
  • Summary: The segment revisits the previous week’s intense argument that led to Blay adopting a quieter, more thoughtful persona. Blay demonstrated this new style by softly repeating his pitch: what dramatic role would Conan come out of retirement for, referencing Daniel Day-Lewis.
Daniel Day-Lewis Retirement Craft
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(00:03:13)
  • Key Takeaway: Daniel Day-Lewis, after retiring from acting, dedicates his time to making shoes using old-fashioned methods, reportedly working as a cobbler in his Irish village.
  • Summary: The discussion uses Daniel Day-Lewis’s retirement hobby as a benchmark for dedication to a craft outside of acting. Conan imagines retiring to make late 19th-century prosthetics for miners, involving felling ancient trees for tiny components. This elaborate scenario highlights the dedication required to pull Conan away from his self-imposed retirement.
Conan’s Theoretical Manual Labor Skills
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(00:05:21)
  • Key Takeaway: Conan claims he is prepared for manual labor tasks based on extensive reading, specifically mentioning finishing a book titled ‘Exertion’.
  • Summary: Conan asserts his readiness for physical tasks, citing theoretical knowledge gained from reading books about manual labor. He specifically references the book ‘Exertion’ as preparation for any necessary hands-on work. This is mentioned in the context of his hypothetical prosthetic-making hobby.
Pippi Longstocking Role Idea
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(00:06:07)
  • Key Takeaway: A suggestion was made for Conan to play Pippi Longstocking, a character known for magical, youthful strength, despite the character being a young girl.
  • Summary: The topic of Conan playing Pippi Longstocking arose, which prompted a discussion about the character’s background. Conan’s deep involvement with the Pippi topic is evidenced by his appearance in a Swedish documentary about her, prompted by podcast discussions.
James Bond Casting Speculation
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(00:07:32)
  • Key Takeaway: Conan humorously pitched himself as a James Bond candidate from Brookline, Massachusetts, despite the role traditionally requiring a distinctly British actor.
  • Summary: The idea of Conan playing James Bond was dismissed because the role requires a British actor, though Conan argued Bond must change with the times. Past consideration for the role included actors like Burt Reynolds and Adam West. Conan envisioned his Bond relying on his co-host, Sona, for real-time instructions on using gadgets via phone.
Lincoln Biopic and Fourth Wall Breaks
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(00:09:56)
  • Key Takeaway: Conan expressed issues with Daniel Day-Lewis’s portrayal of Lincoln because it lacked fourth-wall breaks, which Conan believes he would incorporate into any historical biopic.
  • Summary: Conan compared himself to Abraham Lincoln, noting similarities in height and facial structure, suggesting he could play the President. Conan’s version of Lincoln would frequently break the fourth wall, acknowledging the audience and the impending historical tragedy. This contrasts with Day-Lewis’s performance, which Conan felt was too strictly in character.
eBay and T-Mobile Ad Reads
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(00:11:41)
  • Key Takeaway: Advertisements promoted eBay for finding nostalgic items with stories and T-Mobile for its couch-life benefits, including Netflix and DoorDash deals.
  • Summary: eBay is positioned as a place where lost, beloved items, like vintage band tees, can be found again, emphasizing the story behind each find. T-Mobile offers perks like Netflix Standard with Ads and DoorDash deals, encouraging listeners to embrace ‘couch life’ without leaving home.
Sonic and Granger Ad Reads
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(00:13:20)
  • Key Takeaway: Sonic advertised its $6 All-American Smasher Meal, featuring Angus beef and classic toppings, while Granger promoted its service for HVAC technicians needing fast parts sourcing.
  • Summary: The Sonic meal includes a hand-smashed burger, medium tots or fries, and a drink for $6, promoting fiscal responsibility alongside indulgence. Granger supports technicians by providing fast access to the right products via its website or phone line for urgent repairs like clanking blower motors.
Tim Olyphant Cop Movie Pitches
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(00:14:39)
  • Key Takeaway: The most favored movie pitch involved Conan playing an Internal Affairs investigator following Tim Olyphant, a cool but potentially vigilante cop, or a gigolo in training.
  • Summary: Initial ideas paired Conan and Tim Olyphant in a cop movie, with Conan as the incompetent partner or an insurance adjuster. A more developed concept cast Conan as an IA agent monitoring Olyphant, who might administer his own justice. The final, most absurd pitch involved Conan, having fallen into chemicals, learning the gigolo trade from Olyphant’s character, Chet Chasnik.
Fan Submission Call to Action
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(00:23:24)
  • Key Takeaway: Conan formally requested that fans submit ideas for a dramatic movie role he could play, emphasizing that the right concept might persuade him to act again.
  • Summary: Conan reiterated his openness to acting if the perfect, compelling idea is presented, even if it involves slotting into an existing franchise. He stressed that cinema is not currently asking for his participation, but a strong concept could change that. The segment concluded by directing listeners to submit their best movie ideas.