Something You Should Know

Why You Click With Some People & How to Pursue Anything with Excellence

January 29, 2026

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  • The physical presence of a cell phone during a conversation signals disengagement, making people seem less sincere and trustworthy, even if the phone is untouched. 
  • Interpersonal synchrony, or 'clicking,' is a measurable neurophysiological phenomenon involving mirroring of expressions, heart rate, respiration, and brain waves, which requires physical presence to be experienced fully. 
  • True excellence involves embracing vulnerability and risking failure, approaching a chosen craft with intentionality and consistency, rather than chasing 'pseudo-excellence' which leads to burnout. 

Segments

Phone Presence Impacts Trust
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(00:00:33)
  • Key Takeaway: Visible cell phones decrease perceived sincerity, engagement, and trustworthiness in conversations.
  • Summary: Having a phone visible on the table signals that a conversation could be interrupted, hindering connection. Removing the phone from sight instantly makes a person seem more present and likable. This small action provides a significant advantage in social interactions.
Science of Interpersonal Synchrony
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(00:04:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Clicking involves measurable neurophysiological syncing of heart rate, respiration, and brain waves.
  • Summary: Interpersonal synchrony, or ‘clicking,’ is a feeling of resonance where individuals mirror facial expressions, posture, and internal rhythms like heart rate and respiration. External synchronized activities, like dancing or singing, increase affinity and rapport between people. Synchrony must be mutual; a one-way attraction does not constitute a true click.
Virtual vs. Physical Connection
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(00:24:18)
  • Key Takeaway: Synchrony cannot be experienced to its fullest extent virtually due to its multimodal nature.
  • Summary: Loneliness is linked to the inability to experience synchrony virtually, as it is a multimodal phenomenon requiring more than just the five basic senses. Eye contact is crucial for developing synchrony, and lack of it (e.g., looking at a phone) severely hinders connection. Virtual relationships often lead to disappointment when meeting face-to-face because the click fails to happen.
Defining True Excellence
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(00:29:03)
  • Key Takeaway: True excellence is pursuing a chosen craft aligned with personal values, distinct from exhausting ‘pseudo-excellence.’
  • Summary: Pseudo-excellence involves chasing external perfectionism, like complex routines, for its own sake, which leads to dissatisfaction. Genuine excellence is found when an activity becomes a craft pursued with focus, dedication, and consistency, yielding intrinsic satisfaction and competence. Excellence is not required in everything; it should be applied to one or two select activities that align with personal values.
Components of Excellent Pursuit
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(00:34:04)
  • Key Takeaway: Excellence demands vulnerability to failure, intentional focus, and consistent effort over intensity alone.
  • Summary: To achieve excellence, one must be willing to make themselves vulnerable and risk failure, overcoming the fear that keeps many from trying. Focus means actively designing the environment to remove distractions, such as digital devices, as willpower is insufficient against modern attention vampires. Consistency, showing up again and again, is more critical than sporadic bursts of intensity.
Grit, Fit, and Enjoyment
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(00:42:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Grit must be paired with ‘fit’—natural ability and enjoyment—to sustain the pursuit of excellence.
  • Summary: If results from giving an activity your all do not bring happiness, it signals a lack of fit, making quitting a sensible option. Elite performers enjoy their craft, even if it is challenging; intensity and joy can coexist, unlike the misconception that they are opposites. Focusing excellence on one or two chosen activities prevents burnout and fosters deep self-connection.
Spending Money for Happiness
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(00:49:31)
  • Key Takeaway: Prioritizing time over money in spending decisions leads to greater reported happiness.
  • Summary: Research indicates that people are happier when they choose more leisure time, shorter commutes, or fewer chores over equivalent amounts of money. Leisure time is essential for enjoying life, even when financially secure. Budgeting should prioritize spending on services that buy back time, such as outsourcing chores, rather than accumulating material goods.