The Rachel Hollis Podcast

893 | 5 Signs You’re Going After the Wrong Goals

September 29, 2025

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  • Procrastination and lack of motivation often signal that you are pursuing goals misaligned with your true self, rather than indicating laziness. 
  • A goal can be aligned with your 'taste' (what you admire in others) but not your 'style' (what genuinely works for your life and makes you feel settled and energized). 
  • If you hate the process of achieving a goal, you are setting yourself up for failure or emptiness, as happiness is found in the activity, not just the outcome. 

Segments

Identifying Wrong Goal Symptoms
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(00:01:02)
  • Key Takeaway: Persistent self-doubt, procrastination, and comparison spirals are primary indicators of chasing incorrect goals.
  • Summary: Symptoms of having the wrong goals include constantly second-guessing decisions, extreme procrastination despite motivation, and feeling stuck in comparison spirals with others. Rachel Hollis suggests that these issues point to chasing the wrong targets rather than a fundamental lack of ability or motivation.
Sign 1: Praise Over Purpose
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(00:03:15)
  • Key Takeaway: Goals pursued primarily for external approval, like those made in early adulthood to satisfy cultural or familial expectations, often feel like a slog.
  • Summary: Chasing praise instead of purpose means ignoring personal reality to gain approval from one’s community or family, mirroring the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes. This pattern, often established early in life, leads to choices that feel difficult because they are not intrinsically desired.
Sign 2: Aesthetics Over Reality
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(00:07:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Goals or choices that look appealing (taste) but do not align with one’s functional reality (style) lead to feeling unsettled and unenergized.
  • Summary: The distinction between taste and style is crucial: something can be admired on others but not work for your actual lifestyle or body, leading to tension. Adopting the mantra, “Great for her, but not for me,” helps release goals that are merely aesthetic aspirations rather than authentic fits.
Sign 3: Loving Goal, Hating Process
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(00:15:18)
  • Key Takeaway: If you hate the day-to-day process of pursuing a goal, you are chasing a ‘someday’ that risks feeling empty even if achieved, as happiness resides in the activity.
  • Summary: Life is a journey, and if the process of working toward a goal is miserable, no achievement will ultimately satisfy you, as success does not correlate with internal fulfillment. External achievements cannot compensate for dissatisfaction with oneself day-to-day, and external events can derail finish-line goals unexpectedly.
Sign 4: Pursuing Goals for Others
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(00:19:07)
  • Key Takeaway: Goals driven by the expectations of others, such as pleasing family members, often result in a realization that nothing achieved will ever be ’enough’ for them.
  • Summary: Many goals are pursued to appease family or partners, leading to pouring from an empty cup. When trying to fit into a mold set by others, you may realize that their judgment is rooted in their desire for control, not your performance, making the effort futile.
Sign 5: Goals for an Old Self
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(00:25:44)
  • Key Takeaway: Continuing to pursue goals based on who you once were, despite personal evolution, wastes energy and causes misalignment, often manifesting as procrastination.
  • Summary: As people change and grow, their goals must change too; clinging to past commitments because of sunk time or energy is counterproductive. Procrastination, when uncharacteristic, is often a sign of emotional avoidance stemming from misalignment with the current self.
Testing Energy and Next Steps
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(00:28:53)
  • Key Takeaway: The most effective way to test goal alignment is by assessing whether the process energizes or depletes you, prompting self-inquiry through journaling.
  • Summary: If a goal’s process feels like a constant slog, something is broken—either the goal, the process, or your energy levels require replenishment. Use journaling prompts, like asking what parts of your life are working well versus what feels hard, to uncover inner knowing rather than relying on external opinions.