921 | How to Build a Better Circle (because the people in your life SHAPE your life)

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• The people you spend the most time with strongly influence your outcomes, making it crucial to intentionally elevate your social circle to align with the life you want to build.  Copied to clipboard!
• Mentorship and elevating your circle often happen organically, rather than by directly asking strangers to mentor you.  Copied to clipboard!
• To build a better circle, especially when facing financial or geographical limitations, focus on identifying your specific goals and vision, determining what value you bring to relationships, and seeking out like-minded people in environments driven by shared passion rather than just financial transaction.  Copied to clipboard!

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Elevating Circle Core Questions

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(00:01:31)

• Key Takeaway: Elevating one’s circle requires solving three core problems: how to elevate the circle’s level, how to pull in people who elevate your specific life, and how to achieve this without money or geographical advantage.
• Summary: The central challenge is elevating the quality of one’s social circle to impact the life one intends to build. This elevation must be tailored to the individual’s specific goals, not someone else’s. A critical consideration is addressing how to achieve this elevation despite lacking financial resources or easy access to desired individuals.

Influence of Inner Circle

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(00:03:03)

• Key Takeaway: Individuals tend to adopt the habits, financial status, and achievement levels of the five people they spend the most time with.
• Summary: The statement posits that you are the combination of the five people you spend the most time with, citing studies suggesting alignment in income or likelihood of slacking off based on close associates. This influence is absorbed like osmosis, meaning even brief exposure to certain behaviors can lead to enactment of those behaviors.

Seeing What’s Possible

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(00:09:27)

• Key Takeaway: Witnessing someone else achieve a goal firsthand is often more powerful for belief than simply being told it is possible.
• Summary: Rachel Hollis’s son realized he could achieve straight A’s and better health only after he personally experienced success in those areas once. Before seeing proof, he attributed success to others (like ‘Jackson’) and believed it was not possible for himself. Seeing what is possible through others’ achievements validates the potential for one’s own growth.

Value of Successful Peers

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(00:11:12)

• Key Takeaway: Interacting with someone significantly further along in a desired area, like a business owner making $18 million, can immediately and drastically change your vision and trajectory.
• Summary: A brief interaction with a highly successful individual at a conference changed Rachel Hollis’s business trajectory by shifting her goal setting from a lower benchmark to a much higher one. This illustrates the immense value of seeing what is possible from those further along the path. It is important to seek mentors specific to the lane they excel in, as success in one area does not guarantee wisdom in all areas.

Identifying Circle Goals

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(00:17:26)

• Key Takeaway: Building a supportive circle requires starting with an end-in-mind vision, breaking it down into life pillars (e.g., health, wealth), and then identifying people who embody success in those specific pillars.
• Summary: Listeners must first define their vision for the future across different life pillars, such as career, health, and wealth, to know what kind of people to seek. Once the desired outcomes are specific (e.g., ‘I run one mile every day’), it becomes easier to identify the type of person or community (like a Pilates group) that aligns with that specific goal.

Bringing Value to Relationships

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(00:26:06)

• Key Takeaway: Shift energy from seeking what others can give you to focusing on the value you bring, as people who are highly successful are sensitive to those only seeking to use them.
• Summary: Approaching potential mentors or successful contacts with an energy of ‘how can I bring value’ is crucial to maintaining access, as those who are far along are often wary of people only looking for a handout. Value is not just money; it can be preparedness, good vibes, or specific expertise you offer, such as sending a concise, researched proposal for service.

Finding Like-Minded People

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(00:35:34)

• Key Takeaway: To find passionate, high-energy people without spending money, volunteer or join clubs/organizations where participation is driven by a shared ‘why’ greater than financial incentive.
• Summary: Look for environments like nonprofits, religious organizations, or clubs where people gather because they genuinely care about a shared mission or hobby. This ensures you meet passionate, like-minded individuals who are actively choosing to show up, which is more effective for building friendships than relying on circumstantial proximity like school pick-up lines.

Learning from Mentors

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(00:40:43)

• Key Takeaway: You can absorb wisdom from mentors who are not physically present by intentionally consuming their content, books, and historical ideas that have stood the test of time.
• Summary: Many great mentors can be accessed virtually through their published works or media, allowing you to model behavior and absorb wisdom before ever meeting them in person. When researching, look for expertise backed by lived experience, and also investigate older ideas that have proven their relevance over decades.

Implementation Over Information

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(00:44:05)

• Key Takeaway: The biggest block to improving your circle is failing to execute the ideas you learn, as change only becomes real when it is scheduled and implemented in your calendar.
• Summary: It is easy to get fired up about new ideas but fail at the execution phase of integrating them into real life. Rachel Hollis emphasizes that if you are not seeing traction, you need more implementation, not more information. Scheduling time for these new practices is what makes the ideas concrete and actionable.