The Rachel Hollis Podcast

930 Rach Should I Leave A Narcissist My Best Friend Has Turned Into A Mean Girl How Can I Enjoy Motherhood When It S Chaotic

January 29, 2026

Key Takeaways Copied to clipboard!

  • Staying in an unhealthy marriage for the children normalizes that unhealthy dynamic for them, which can be more detrimental than the trauma of a separation. 
  • When a long-term friendship shows consistent negative behavior, the appropriate response is to match their lowered energy and stop chasing the relationship, as the original dynamic is likely over. 
  • Mothers should reject the unfair societal pressure to enjoy every second of motherhood and instead allow themselves to acknowledge when the season is hard, focusing on enjoying moments in doses rather than striving for constant perfection. 

Segments

Friendship Confrontation and Fallout
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(00:00:45)
  • Key Takeaway: Friendship accountability requires mutual strength, and behavior that causes pain after confrontation signals the relationship is over.
  • Summary: When a friend confronts you about not showing up, the relationship should strengthen, not weaken. If a friend behaves poorly, such as ignoring you at a public event, chasing or trying to fix the dynamic is futile. Believing someone when they show you who they are now is crucial, even if their past behavior was different.
Introduction to Ask Rach
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(00:01:47)
  • Key Takeaway: The ‘Ask Rach’ segment offers listeners ‘real talk and tough love’ advice on life, love, work, and purpose via a dedicated hotline.
  • Summary: The ‘Ask Rach’ segment is a long-standing podcast tradition where Rachel Hollis answers listener questions submitted via a hotline. Listeners can call in for advice covering relationships, career, parenting, and purpose. The hotline number is (737) 400-4626.
Leaving a Narcissistic Partner
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(00:03:40)
  • Key Takeaway: Normalizing an unhealthy marriage for children by staying is more detrimental than the potential trauma of leaving an abusive situation.
  • Summary: If a partner is a narcissist, dissolving the partnership will be difficult long-term due to ongoing co-parenting obligations. Staying in an unhealthy marriage teaches children that this behavior is normal, which is a significant negative lesson. The caller should prioritize personal healing, such as seeking therapy, rather than basing the decision solely on projecting their parents’ divorce trauma onto their children.
Dealing with Mean Girl Friend
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(00:09:55)
  • Key Takeaway: When a close friend’s current behavior drastically misaligns with the established history, matching their low energy and ceasing pursuit is necessary.
  • Summary: The listener experienced a close friend ignoring her at a baseball game after a prior conflict about prioritizing friendships. Rachel advises that people evolve, and if a friend consistently shows they are no longer supportive, that friendship has run its course. The strategy is to match the friend’s energy by pulling back effort, as chasing the relationship will not restore what was lost.
Enjoying Chaotic Motherhood
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(00:21:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Mothers must reject the unfair expectation to enjoy every second of parenting and instead grant themselves grace for finding the current season difficult.
  • Summary: The listener, managing a six-month-old, an 11-year-old with Type 1 diabetes, and working from home, feels she is only surviving, not enjoying the present. Rachel asserts that the idea that mothers must enjoy every second is false and sets them up for shame. The goal is not to enjoy everything, but to enjoy the good moments when they occur and allow space to admit when things are hard, especially during the gauntlet of the first year.
Self-Care and Realistic Expectations
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(00:30:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Attempting to maintain an idealized standard of behavior (like cooking elaborate healthy meals) during high-stress periods leads to self-sabotage and embarrassment.
  • Summary: Rachel realized she was trying to replicate her husband’s cooking standards while he was away, leading to a poorly executed, disliked dinner. She learned that if she is going to invest time cooking, she wants it to be indulgent, not forced healthy food. Giving oneself permission to simplify tasks, like making grilled cheese and soup, allows for feeling successful and present in the moment.