Call Her Daddy

Shay Mitchell: Let Him Go, You Deserve Better (FBF)

November 21, 2025

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  • Shay Mitchell prioritizes living in the moment and being present in her interactions, contrasting with the constant phone use of others like her publicist, Kate Bailey. 
  • Shay Mitchell approaches life in chapters and values experiences, having no specific 'type' in dating, prioritizing confidence, respect, and good human qualities in partners. 
  • Shay Mitchell believes in manifesting success through hard work and positive self-talk, refusing to use negative language about herself, and views independence as owning her assets so nothing can be taken away by a partner. 
  • Friendships thrive on reciprocity and quality over quantity, where infrequent but meaningful connection is more valuable than constant contact. 
  • It is crucial for women to normalize having smaller, solid friend groups and resist societal pressure or perceived cattiness regarding the size of one's social circle. 
  • Losing respect in any relationship, romantic or platonic, is a definitive end point, and one should not waste time on connections that do not align with self-respect. 

Segments

Podcast Welcome and Ads
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Call Her Daddy has joined the SiriusXM family, offering ad-free episodes via subscription.
  • Summary: The host welcomes the Daddy Gang and announces the podcast’s move to SiriusXM. New episodes are available ad-free through SiriusXM Podcasts Plus. The segment is heavily sponsored by Domino’s, highlighting their new spicy chicken bacon ranch pizza, and BetMGM, offering a welcome bonus with code CHD.
Shay Mitchell’s Vibe Check
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(00:02:12)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay Mitchell is described as a ‘real energy person’ who is super present and feeds off others’ energy, contrasting with her publicist’s constant phone use.
  • Summary: Alex Cooper welcomes Shay Mitchell, noting the positive atmosphere of the new set. They discuss Shay’s energy, noting she is very present and supportive in social settings. Shay confirms she was told she was a ’lightweight’ by mutual friend Kate Bailey.
Dating Life in 20s
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(00:05:36)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay Mitchell’s dating life in her 20s was driven by an experiential mindset, saying yes to things to add to her ‘chapters’ as long as she maintained control.
  • Summary: Shay describes her past dating life as chapter-based exploration, seeking new experiences without having a specific type of partner. She requires confidence (not cockiness) and a respectful, good human being in a partner. She believes her exes would agree that she always knew what she wanted.
Pretty Little Liars Career Reflection
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(00:07:37)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay Mitchell is grateful for Pretty Little Liars as it was the biggest turning point in her life, changing her trajectory from bottle service to acting.
  • Summary: Shay expresses no annoyance discussing Pretty Little Liars, acknowledging it provided her start and opportunities, and she maintains good relations with creator Marlene King. She notes she has played almost all queer characters in her career but refuses to label her own sexuality or relationship status to remain free.
Relationship Labels and Freedom
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(00:09:14)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay actively avoids labels for her sexuality and relationship status because she desires freedom and does not want to feel constricted by traditional categories like being a wife.
  • Summary: Shay confirms she had same-sex experiences before playing queer characters, dismissing questions about how she knew how to play them. She emphasizes that liking someone is the same regardless of gender, and she rejects labels to maintain personal freedom in her current relationship with a man.
Partner Dynamics and Trust
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(00:14:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay prefers the term ‘partner’ for her relationship, as her partner is involved in her business and co-parenting, and she values communication above all else.
  • Summary: Shay prefers ‘partner’ over ‘baby daddy’ because her partner is more than just the father of her children; he is a business and life partner. While her partner sometimes calls her his ‘wife,’ Shay dislikes the label ‘wife’ and prefers ‘girlfriend’ or ‘partner.’ Trust and communication are non-negotiable foundations for their relationship, especially given his touring lifestyle with Drake.
Dealing with Jealousy and Anxiety
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(00:22:47)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay overcame spiraling anxiety about partners’ touring lifestyles by adopting the mindset that if a partner cheats, she will deal with it then, but she will not waste sleepless nights worrying beforehand.
  • Summary: Shay admits she used to spiral by stalking partners’ social media when they were on the road, but she stopped because the anxiety did not change their behavior. Her current philosophy is that if a partner’s actions end the relationship, she will accept it and move on, prioritizing her peace over worrying about hypothetical infidelity.
Self-Worth and Independence
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(00:28:52)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay’s commitment to independence stems from a childhood incident where her father took away the car he bought her, teaching her the necessity of owning her own assets and self-worth.
  • Summary: Shay defines independence as the freedom to make her own moves without fear of something being taken away, a lesson learned when her father revoked her car. She stresses that true power comes from being stable in one’s own confidence, ensuring that a breakup does not leave one with ’nothing.’ Having one’s own life outside a partner creates a stronger foundation for the relationship.
Motherhood and Identity Loss
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(00:33:17)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay experienced a profound sense of loss when realizing her identity was shifting into motherhood, leading her to advocate for a ‘mama shower’ to celebrate women postpartum.
  • Summary: Shay cried when realizing her pre-motherhood life was ending upon becoming pregnant, understanding that a part of ‘old Shay’ had to be put to rest. She notes that partners cannot fully understand the sacrifices mothers make, leading to feelings of loneliness during the transition. She suggests a ‘mama shower’ after birth to celebrate the mother herself, rather than just the baby.
Friendship Quality Over Quantity
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(00:50:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Shay values a small, tight-knit group of friends who function as family, emphasizing that having only two solid friends is a blessing, not a failure compared to societal expectations.
  • Summary: Shay identifies as a good listener and a ‘girl’s girl’ who would drop everything for her close friends, viewing friendship as a necessary two-way street. She advises listeners not to feel ashamed for having only a few friends, as quality and loyalty outweigh having a large, potentially toxic, acquaintance circle. She also actively counters the ‘happily ever after with a prince’ narrative for her daughters.
Friendship Dynamics and Reciprocity
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(00:52:26)
  • Key Takeaway: Healthy friendships operate as a teeter-totter, requiring mutual support where needs fluctuate over time.
  • Summary: Friendships are a two-way street requiring reciprocal support, where one person may need the other more at different times. This balance creates a beautiful, dynamic relationship structure. The speaker emphasizes being immediately available for friends in crisis, regardless of distance.
Deconstructing Female Friend Group Norms
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(00:52:50)
  • Key Takeaway: Having only two solid friends is a blessing, and women should not feel ashamed for lacking a large friend group.
  • Summary: Many women in their 20s feel pressure or shame if they do not maintain a large friend group, often comparing themselves to unrealistic media portrayals. A large group does not guarantee quality, as friends could be talking negatively behind each other’s backs. Two solid friends are a sign of being blessed and should be owned and appreciated.
Quality Over Quantity in Friendships
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(00:53:33)
  • Key Takeaway: The strongest relationships can involve talking infrequently, where connection is deep enough to pick up seamlessly after long gaps.
  • Summary: Childhood best friends can be maintained successfully even when speaking only once every three months, as the connection remains strong. The best relationships are those where you are too busy enjoying the moment to take photos, leading to authentic, unrecorded memories. Different friends serve different needs within one’s life.
Ending Friendships Based on Respect
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(00:55:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Losing respect for a friend’s decisions, similar to an unattractive trait in a partner, signals the relationship is over.
  • Summary: A friendship ended because the speaker stopped respecting certain decisions the friend made, viewing loss of respect as the end of any relationship. This realization was permanent, like an unseeable flaw in dating, leading to the necessary cutting of ties. Life is too short to prioritize quantity over quality time with people.
Normalizing Evolving Friendships
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(00:57:07)
  • Key Takeaway: People come in and out of one’s life like seasons, and it is okay for friendships to end after serving their purpose.
  • Summary: It is important to normalize the ending of friendships when they no longer serve a purpose, as life moves through new iterations like parenthood. Being open to the unknown of new social circles is exciting. If a past relationship provided value for a time and then ended, that is acceptable.
Setting Boundaries on Communication
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(00:57:50)
  • Key Takeaway: When triggered by a partner’s social activity, the first step is defining and communicating your specific boundary, not assuming malice.
  • Summary: A boundary might be as simple as requiring a text confirming a partner is safe in bed, without needing photos or FaceTime. If seeing a partner out late causes stress, one must ask if the trigger is the time spent out or the lack of communication about location. If the partner consistently violates a clearly set boundary, the entire relationship situation needs reassessment.
Vulnerability and Partner Acceptance
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(01:01:31)
  • Key Takeaway: The right partner will accept vulnerability regarding insecurities, while the wrong one will run from it, which saves time.
  • Summary: When approaching a partner about an insecurity, the right person will hear and accept the vulnerability shared. If a partner runs from this vulnerability, it indicates they are the wrong person, and pursuing them is a waste of time. One should never feel the need to have a ’last night of freedom’ before commitment, as true partnership allows for continued personal freedom.
Learning Through Single Life Experiences
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(01:03:34)
  • Key Takeaway: The single years are a crucial opportunity to actively experiment and learn about oneself before settling into a committed partnership.
  • Summary: The speaker admits to causing drama in her 20s because she wanted to experience intense emotions and have stories to tell, relating this to wanting to feel the experience of a song. Dating various people allows one to learn what they like and dislike in a partner’s lifestyle and behavior. This self-discovery phase is vital for ensuring that when the right person arrives, there is no doubt about the fit.
Final Advice on Self-Respect and Worrying
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(01:09:43)
  • Key Takeaway: If a partner’s actions cause a pit in your stomach or sleepless nights, that feeling is the answer, and worrying will not change the outcome.
  • Summary: If a partner is not treating you right or causing constant worry, that feeling is the definitive answer to reassess the situation. Worrying about someone else’s behavior will not change their actions or the relationship’s outcome. The speaker advocates for living happily now and letting go, noting that true commitment comes from a partner choosing to return because they want to, not because they feel obligated.