You're Dead to Me

Ramesses the Great

December 19, 2025

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  • Ramesses II, or Ramesses the Great, was a pharaoh known for his excellent public relations, which often exaggerated his military successes, such as his performance at the Battle of Kadesh where the Hittites actually won. 
  • Ramesses II was a prolific builder, establishing the glittering capital city of Pi-Ramesses and commissioning colossal statues of himself, while also living an exceptionally long life for the era, outliving many of his wives and children. 
  • Ramesses II's mummified remains were found in the 1800s, famously containing peppercorns in his nose to maintain shape, and his tomb was reportedly discovered by a man looking for a lost goat. 

Segments

Introduction to Ramesses II
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(00:01:13)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II, also known as Ramesses the Great, had five royal names, with his throne name being Usamatra Seta Penra.
  • Summary: The episode introduces Ramesses II, noting he is often recognized from the movie The Prince of Egypt. He ruled during the New Kingdom period, over 3,200 years ago. Listeners learn that his actual throne name was Usamatra Seta Penra, though he is referred to simply as Ramesses for simplicity.
Early Reign and Military
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(00:02:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II became king around age 24 in 1279 BCE, and in year two of his reign, he captured pirates and forced them into service.
  • Summary: Ramesses ascended to the throne in 1279 BCE, which was counted as Year One in his reign. He came from a military family and aimed to establish Egypt as a major military power. Early in his rule, he captured pirates and made them work for him.
Battle of Kadesh PR Spin
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(00:04:01)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II lost the Battle of Kadesh against the Hittites but commissioned extensive carvings on temple walls claiming a massive personal victory.
  • Summary: The Battle of Kadesh was a major conflict where Ramesses’ troops were ambushed after he fell for a Hittite trick, leading to a retreat and Hittite territorial gain. Despite this loss, Ramesses heavily promoted a narrative of personal triumph through temple depictions. He eventually signed the world’s first known written peace treaty with the Hittites 15 years later.
Building Pi-Ramesses Capital
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(00:05:19)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II constructed a grand new capital city called Pi-Ramesses, which included six temples, stables with toilet systems, and a zoo.
  • Summary: Ramesses was highly skilled in construction, beginning work on his new capital, Pi-Ramesses (House of Ramesses), soon after becoming king. This city spanned four square miles and featured advanced amenities like stables with integrated toilet systems. The complex also included temples, a military outpost, and a zoo.
Colossal Statues and Ego
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(00:06:22)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II built four massive statues of himself at Abu Simbel and had at least 50 colossi in Pi-Ramesses, some reaching 70 feet high, which would have been brightly painted.
  • Summary: At the Abu Simbel temple complex, Ramesses added four enormous statues of himself to give the impression of being a demigod. He was obsessed with building statues, demanding they be bigger until they reached heights of 70 feet. These colossi would have been painted bright colors, resembling Disneyland rather than modern museum exhibits.
Family Life and Wives
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(00:08:05)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II had approximately one hundred children and two principal wives, Nefertari and Iset-Nofret, in addition to receiving Hittite brides as part of the peace treaty.
  • Summary: Ramesses was a significant family man, fathering around 100 children. His principal wives were Nefertari and Iset-Nofret, the latter of whom likely experienced much stress due to the large household. He also acquired several Hittite brides as diplomatic gifts following the peace treaty.
Apis Bull and Sed Festivals
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(00:09:42)
  • Key Takeaway: The sacred Apis Bull answered questions about the future by either eating food or kicking over a bucket, and Ramesses held 14 Sed Festivals to prove his fitness to rule, winning the ceremonial race at age 89.
  • Summary: Ramesses’ son with Iset-Nofret, Kayem Waset, oversaw the Apis Bull, a sacred animal that fortune-told by reacting to food or knocking over buckets. Ramesses also celebrated 14 Sed Festivals, which included a ceremonial race designed to test his fitness to rule. He successfully completed this race at the age of 89, suggesting the other athletes allowed him to win.
Death and Mummy Discovery
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(00:11:46)
  • Key Takeaway: Ramesses II’s mummy was preserved using peppercorns stuffed in his nose, and his tomb was discovered in the 1800s by Ahmed El-Razul, who was searching for a lost goat.
  • Summary: Ramesses lived long enough to outlive most of his wives and many children, dying with ailments like sore teeth and arthritis. His mummification involved stuffing peppercorns up his nose to maintain facial structure under the bandages. The tomb was later moved for protection and eventually discovered in the 1800s, allegedly by Ahmed El-Razul while searching for a lost goat.
Quiz and Credits
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(00:14:00)
  • Key Takeaway: The episode concludes with a quiz testing knowledge on Ramesses’ wives, the Battle of Kadesh outcome, and the name of his capital city, Pi-Ramesses.
  • Summary: The final segment features a quiz covering key facts discussed, such as the names of Ramesses’ principal wives and the true victor of the Battle of Kadesh. The show credits the writers, host Greg Jenner, performers, and production team, and promotes the adult version of the episode featuring Dr. Campbell Price.