On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Emma Grede: #1 Trick Successful People Use Every Day (THIS Will Open Doors You Didn’t Know Existed!)

November 19, 2025

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  • Real confidence is built through competence, not by waiting to feel ready or worthy. 
  • Focus on being excellent at what you are doing right now, as competence in your current role propels you toward future opportunities. 
  • Instead of chasing passion, focus on identifying what gives you energy and what you are naturally good at, as purpose often emerges from competence and alignment with your skills. 

Segments

Sponsors and Introduction
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(00:00:00)
  • Key Takeaway: Sponsors for this episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty include Chase Sapphire Reserve and American Public University.
  • Summary: The episode opens with advertisements for Chase Sapphire Reserve, highlighting travel rewards, and American Public University (APU), which offers flexible online master’s programs built for working professionals. Jay Shetty then introduces guest Emma Grede at The Theater at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco.
Worrying About Others’ Opinions
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(00:02:44)
  • Key Takeaway: Overcoming the need to prove oneself leads to making decisions based on personal expectations rather than external validation.
  • Summary: Emma Grede admits to spending much of her life worried about external opinions, but reached a point where she decided she had nothing left to prove. Success is now defined by meeting her own expectations daily to feel good when laying her head down at night. Worrying about others’ thoughts stifles action and causes people to miss opportunities by not speaking up or putting themselves forward.
Double Standards for Women
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(00:04:42)
  • Key Takeaway: Women in business face real societal barriers and harsher criticism for displaying ambition or speaking authoritatively compared to their male counterparts.
  • Summary: Emma notes that as a younger woman in business, there was an assumption that others knew better, a realization that fades as one gains experience. Women face disproportionate criticism for actions deemed ‘braggadocious’ or for stepping out of expected conventions, leading to risk aversion. Emma chooses to lean into these conversations rather than shy away, refusing to play a game that holds other women back.
Starting Before Being Ready
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(00:09:57)
  • Key Takeaway: Ambition must be openly pursued, and career acceleration begins by focusing on being excellent at the task you can do right now, even if it is not your ultimate goal.
  • Summary: To succeed, one must center decisions around personal ambition and openly communicate needs without being shy. The most important focus is applying oneself to be excellent in the current role, as this competence is what propels individuals into unimaginable future opportunities. This dedication to excellence, even in seemingly small tasks like making sandwiches, builds the skills recognized by others.
The ‘I’ll Do That’ Mantra
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(00:12:38)
  • Key Takeaway: The three most important words for career growth are ‘I’ll do that,’ signifying a willingness to take on new challenges and learn through action.
  • Summary: The phrase ‘I’ll do that’ encourages vulnerability and seizing opportunities, echoing Richard Branson’s advice to say yes and figure out the execution later. This mindset creates the necessary pressure to step up, rather than waiting passively for the perfect chance. Being willing to say ‘I’ll do that’ opens doors that hesitation keeps closed.
Visualizing and Self-Talk
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(00:14:09)
  • Key Takeaway: The stories you tell yourself and the kindness you show yourself form the most critical relationship in your life, shaping your belief in what is possible.
  • Summary: Emma visualized the life she wanted from a young age, fueled by a belief that hard work could overcome any perceived limitations. The greatest gift is choosing a kind internal narrative over a negative one, constantly practicing who you want to be. This self-awareness and self-kindness are essential for sustained effort and surrounding oneself with the right people.
Passion vs. Competence
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(00:16:16)
  • Key Takeaway: Do not chase passion; instead, find what you are good at and what gives you energy, as competence is the foundation upon which confidence and purpose are built.
  • Summary: Emma advises against searching for passion, noting that things we love (like wine) are not always strategic. The focus should be on what gives energy and where natural skills lie, allowing purpose to emerge later. Competence builds confidence, which is the necessary precursor to excelling, whereas chasing passion alone can lead to quitting when things get difficult.
The Power of Deep Focus
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(00:19:22)
  • Key Takeaway: True focus is a force multiplier that unlocks success, requiring deep, repeated practice in one area rather than spreading attention thinly across many roles.
  • Summary: Success requires unequivocal focus, exemplified by Bruce Lee’s preference for one kick practiced 10,000 times over 10,000 different kicks once. Modern culture encourages being many things, but true reward comes from going deep into one area, like Emma’s mastery as a merchant. Achieving success demands deep dedication and a willingness to sacrifice other options, as success does not get easier with growth.
Building a Complementary Circle
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(00:24:43)
  • Key Takeaway: Success relies on understanding your core strengths and surrounding yourself with people who possess the complementary skills you lack, such as patience.
  • Summary: Self-awareness tools like Strengths Finder can reveal unconscious top strengths, like Jay Shetty’s realization that ‘Strategy’ was his number one skill. Emma identifies her strengths as focus, resilience, and work ethic, but acknowledges being horrendous at patience. Building a successful team means actively hiring or partnering with individuals who cover your weaknesses.
Parental Guilt and Non-Negotiables
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(00:31:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Time spent with children does not equal love; parents must define their own non-negotiable standards rather than adopting societal or Instagrammable expectations.
  • Summary: Jay shares that watching his working mother made him value work ethic, and he never felt unloved despite less time together, proving time does not equal love. Emma actively works to remove guilt by reframing her work trips as enjoyable experiences for her children to witness. Identifying personal non-negotiables—like an annual girls’ trip—allows one to confidently decline external standards that do not serve personal happiness.
Owning Trade-offs and Truth
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(00:40:38)
  • Key Takeaway: Successful people operate through a series of conscious trade-offs, and honesty about these sacrifices is necessary to combat toxic positivity and emulate realistic paths.
  • Summary: The idea that anyone has it all figured out is fake; every choice involves giving something up, such as missing dinner to attend an event. Emma stopped hiding her seemingly selfish choices, realizing that hiding trade-offs does a disservice to others, especially women. The key is to stop lying about the difficulty and work out what is truly right for oneself, rather than emulating external perfection.
Scaling Mentorship and Starting Small
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(00:45:48)
  • Key Takeaway: Entrepreneurs should scale mentorship by having honest conversations and must start testing big ideas in small, manageable ways rather than waiting for a perfect pitch opportunity.
  • Summary: Jay started the On Purpose podcast after his TV show idea was rejected, demonstrating the value of starting small when a large opportunity fails. Emma advised an audience member with a big TV concept to test and learn by scaling the idea down to a small platform like YouTube or Instagram first. Starting small allows for iteration and failure in a low-stakes environment, which is more effective than waiting for a single, perfect pitch moment.